Human bonding, the connections that lead to deep, authentic friendship, is something that happens the same way in every culture, everywhere (wow, those are some big "absolutes.").
The amount of "time" spent on each stage can vary, but the first three stages are just basic biology - our 5 senses, our physical bodies, all were made to connect us to each other through these first three steps.
In the past 30 years I've logged more than 10,000 hours meeting with couples and sharing about what builds deep, satisfying friendships. Over and over I find these first "steps" toward human friendship are being neglected. They are SO SIMPLE, so basic, that it's tempting to dismiss them, not take them with needed seriousness: here they are -
FIRST STAGE to human bonding:
1). Eye to body. Yep, that's it! From that little girl in first grade who watches Tommy, until Tommy turns around, we start all friendships by noticing someone. Isn't that profound, life-changing? It is! How many minutes a day do you stop and consciously notice someone you care a great deal about. You'll be surprised at the subtle differences it makes. Your thoughts, priorities, and so much more will get a work-out (think healthy and strong) by this simple exercise. In thirty five years I've seen so much benefit from building the habit (discipline) of noticing others: study others and you'll so much more than just the surface. I try to practice noticing Laura and my little two-year-old granddaughter, Elena, more than any other female (this is essential preventative medicine). People matter, try noticing more!
NON-Paid Personal Bruce Advertisement: Jump over to Bruce's personal blog for a moment - Don't wait another moment to see what Bruce and Laura are doing this Friday night (May 7). Just do it! (LINK)
2). Eye to Eye (Oh, am I ever excited to blog about this later today, tomorrow, or next year - please, please bug me until I do . . . I'm calling out to my 7 faithful readers :).
3) Voice to Voice (Experts, like Donald Joy - top-10 super-bonding researcher, say it takes 1000 hours sharing/listening to really build a friendship that has healthy trust, i.e. commitment and high value.) Logging this thousand hours before going on to steps 4-12 is what helps build the healthy Triangle base Laura and I shared about on Sunday at our campus.
Check back for more: Still to come - "How play first begins in one of the oldest mother-child games of all times!"
No comments:
Post a Comment