Ever noticed when little three year old Johnny is hiding something he knows he wasn't suppose to do, he doesn't want to look you in the eye!
Eye to eye contact is stage two of human bonding. It's much riskier than simply observing someone anonymously. When we're out of sync with someone we often don't give them much eye contact. When I'm absorbed, multi-tasking, or more often, just not listening in ways that say "you count" I'm often falling short of good eye contact (texting or lap-top-ing when someone is talking to me).
Give the gift of good eye contact, turn and look into their eyes - it so adds to friendship. It sends a healthy "you're valuable to me" message. Again, my Bank account illustration applies: eye contact is a "deposit" that balances out all those stressors (withdrawals) in our relationship accounts! Deposit lots of them.
HOW DID PLAY FIRST BEGIN?
When a mom takes her baby, and makes eye contact, adding smiles and encouraging sounds, the little child soon learns to respond. This is our first experience at play. We learn to smile, make noises back, look for more and more seconds into the eyes of that "fun, safe" person who's playing with us. Scientist say the more mom's do this the higher the emotional intelligence of our kids. Our senses are built first for building friendships, then for survival. Unlike all other creatures, our nerve endings serve us first in the area of bonding, not survival of the fittest. Play with those you care about - make the other person, not what your doing, the point - you'll see more deposits in your relational bank and you'll be such better friends.
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