How Jimmy Carter and I were unfaithful (Infidelity part III)

I've built a "fantastic excuse" for why you didn't any blogs this week (also some cues and hints to what Laura and I will be doing this Sun. afternoon - want to join us - jump to my personal blog now :_).

If your just checking in on this blog and haven't been part of our discussion about "infidelity (unfaithfulness) and Worry," you may want to jump back to the beginning right now (Day One Link).

Here's the famous Jimmy Carter Playboy interview statement that "set-off" huge discussion just before Jimmy won the presidency (Jimmy is mostly regarded as one of the most honest, full of integrity, kind presidents of all times, BUT not a good leader. If you had to choose one of these for your legacy what would be your choice right now?).

Jimmy said:

"Because I'm just human and I'm tempted and Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. The Bible says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Christ said, I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery. I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times.... This is something that God recognizes, that I will do and have done, and God forgives me for it. But that doesn't mean that I condemn someone who not only looks on a woman with lust but who leaves his wife and shacks up with somebody out of wedlock. Christ says, don't consider yourself better than someone else because one guy screws a whole bunch of women while the other guy is loyal to his wife. The guy who's loyal to his wife ought not to be condescending or proud because of the relative degree of sinfulness."

Have you ever worried about being a hypocrite? Well, the fact that you're worrying is a "good thing" unless the reason your worrying is that you want to make sure you don't feel guilty. A hypocrite is an actor (It's a Greek word that means just that.). Your an "H." if you're acting out so that others will have a certain impression of you; all the while, you have little or no desire to be this kind of person (only to be perceived as that). Hint: some of the most outspoken right-winged (they do have hidden left wings as well) religious folk (flock) who publicly, and repeatedly, lambast gays have been found to struggle with homosexuality themselves. Weird? Not at all! Does this mean their hypocrites? Not always (think about that for a while)! My point? Looking at the source of what I want most (what I worry about the most); what I believe I have to have to be Ok, can reveal, to me, why I'm unfaithful to those I love most!

I worship who or what I think will give me what "I believe" is essential to true happiness (inner joy). Must run . . . more tomorrow (not likely :). Hope to continue these thoughts Monday morning (really). Check out my personal blog (here).

Infidelity & worry - How Jimmy Carter are alike (Part II)

We are human and we are unfaithful at various moments of our day. Worry is a flag that can reveal what counts most in our lives! Examining what I worry most about (and most often) can help me see where I'm most "unfaithful." Haven't read my opening blog on this subject? (Link)

The next couple days (I'm wondering, did you do the little evaluation I shared with you in my first "Infidel" blog?)

I would like to explore some things our previous President Carter and I have in common:

1. We both like peanuts (I love Peanut M&M's)

2. We both love to serve (it can even be the source of our infidelity - I got a big blog about that saved for later)

3. We both have relatives that have "obvious addictions" and some who have "culturally nice addictions"

AND

4. We both have been unfaithful to our wives without ever touching anyone (you'll have to wait for tomorrow's blog to find out more on this one - no rumors please :).

Today's "looking beyond the black smoke" question:

Q: What was Jesus really trying to show me in Matthew 5:21-26? Will it transform the way I give and receive love? What key "attitude" would I like to "work out" today (like going to the gym & pumping iron)?

Q: Was Jimmy Carter thinking of this passage, Matthew 5:27-28, when he shocked the world with his Playboy interview in 1976?

Want to check out my random Monday thoughts? (Link to Bruce's personal blog)

What triggers infidelity (unfaithfulness)?

Unfaithfulness (infidelity) is something we ALL do! How's that? We all are infidels (unbelievers) at various moments during the day. Sometimes this is good "distrust," if the advice or wisdom you're being given is wrong, or dangerous. Satan is a liar (the father of lies)! I definitely want to be an "infidel" when it comes to Satan.

What are some of the biggest reasons I'm unfaithful? Why do I sometimes have an affair with my work, a hobby, or even a stupid TV show (What's your temptation?).

We fall into infidelity when:

• we emotionally give ourselves to someone other than the person God gave us
• we wish someone in our life would be more like someone else
• we love things and use people
• we play it safe (maybe from fear of being hurt or rejected) and tone down our commitment to someone God has given us to love.

We don't need to be married to be "unfaithful." We don't need to have gotten trapped in a physical affair to be giving our heart away (or locking it away) to someone else. Do you have a parent, sibling, or friend that is suffering because part of your heart is "unfaithful?" When I don't trust that God will take care of me or won't accept me, I can easily become an infidel (an unbeliever). I want to invite you to check out a "word" that might help you evaluate your level of commitment to God and those you love.

Here's that really big word ( I'll expand on it more this week), "Worry!"

Worry is like an iceberg, its greater mass (the source) is beneath the surface. If you keep your eyes out for what worries you most, you'll see the things or person's that tempt you to be unfaithful (prayer is essential in this process).

Take time, this week, to make a list of what worries you most and most often. Prepare yourself this week (check back on this blog) to pray through worry, then give it back to God.

First, start by building your "Worry list," then read (several times) Matthew chapter six.

Don't worry, be happy! Check back tomorrow :).

Link to Part II in this blog series (It will only last about a week :).

Hawaii and May 23 - Reflections on things that make a BIG difference

So here I am in Kona Hawaii with two guys and I'm thinking, "Why did I just about kill myself to get a bunch of work done, people met with, and hours of sleep lost; just to get to Hawaii?" It's not because this is such a cool place to come and hang out (it really is). It's not because I got to fly for free (that IS a really good reason to visit). No, it's partly because Laura and some others who are close to me felt I really needed the break! And, the biggest reason I'm hanging out here is that I get to invest into the lives of two friends who have poured their lives into the mission of Living Hope church. By taking the chance to hang out with them away from the "normal rat-race" I really expect that we will come back even more recharged to see more lost people find a forever-friendship with God!


Here's one of my favorite verses in the book of Wisdom, Proverbs 11:24-25 "The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller. ²⁵ The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed."


When the three of us guys return to Vancouver, our hearts and time will be focused on a really big, cool event taking place at our Living Hope East Vancouver Campus - the "Chicken and Biscuits potluck." Please pray about coming to this dinner (you bring a salad and/or dessert) and we'll provide the rest. Even more, we'll be sharing some very exciting ways you can try out (a simple free trial) various service opportunities opening up at our campus. We'll share with you our next phase of remodeling and how it will touch the lives of so many. This is an opportunity for you to take that next step in serving. You will grow more friendships and your spiritual side will take off like never before.


Please don't hesitate to email me for more details on this special day - Bruce.lhceast@gmail.com

The power of eye contact (and - how we first play)

Ever noticed when little three year old Johnny is hiding something he knows he wasn't suppose to do, he doesn't want to look you in the eye!

Eye to eye contact is stage two of human bonding. It's much riskier than simply observing someone anonymously. When we're out of sync with someone we often don't give them much eye contact. When I'm absorbed, multi-tasking, or more often, just not listening in ways that say "you count" I'm often falling short of good eye contact (texting or lap-top-ing when someone is talking to me).

Give the gift of good eye contact, turn and look into their eyes - it so adds to friendship. It sends a healthy "you're valuable to me" message. Again, my Bank account illustration applies: eye contact is a "deposit" that balances out all those stressors (withdrawals) in our relationship accounts! Deposit lots of them.

HOW DID PLAY FIRST BEGIN?

When a mom takes her baby, and makes eye contact, adding smiles and encouraging sounds, the little child soon learns to respond. This is our first experience at play. We learn to smile, make noises back, look for more and more seconds into the eyes of that "fun, safe" person who's playing with us. Scientist say the more mom's do this the higher the emotional intelligence of our kids. Our senses are built first for building friendships, then for survival. Unlike all other creatures, our nerve endings serve us first in the area of bonding, not survival of the fittest. Play with those you care about - make the other person, not what your doing, the point - you'll see more deposits in your relational bank and you'll be such better friends.

What happened to Tuesday? The FIRST 3 steps of bonding!

Human bonding, the connections that lead to deep, authentic friendship, is something that happens the same way in every culture, everywhere (wow, those are some big "absolutes.").




The amount of "time" spent on each stage can vary, but the first three stages are just basic biology - our 5 senses, our physical bodies, all were made to connect us to each other through these first three steps.


In the past 30 years I've logged more than 10,000 hours meeting with couples and sharing about what builds deep, satisfying friendships. Over and over I find these first "steps" toward human friendship are being neglected. They are SO SIMPLE, so basic, that it's tempting to dismiss them, not take them with needed seriousness: here they are -


FIRST STAGE to human bonding:
1). Eye to body. Yep, that's it! From that little girl in first grade who watches Tommy, until Tommy turns around, we start all friendships by noticing someone. Isn't that profound, life-changing? It is! How many minutes a day do you stop and consciously notice someone you care a great deal about. You'll be surprised at the subtle differences it makes. Your thoughts, priorities, and so much more will get a work-out (think healthy and strong) by this simple exercise. In thirty five years I've seen so much benefit from building the habit (discipline) of noticing others: study others and you'll so much more than just the surface. I try to practice noticing Laura and my little two-year-old granddaughter, Elena, more than any other female (this is essential preventative medicine). People matter, try noticing more!


NON-Paid Personal Bruce Advertisement: Jump over to Bruce's personal blog for a moment - Don't wait another moment to see what Bruce and Laura are doing this Friday night (May 7). Just do it! (LINK)


2). Eye to Eye (Oh, am I ever excited to blog about this later today, tomorrow, or next year - please, please bug me until I do . . . I'm calling out to my 7 faithful readers :).


3) Voice to Voice (Experts, like Donald Joy - top-10 super-bonding researcher, say it takes 1000 hours sharing/listening to really build a friendship that has healthy trust, i.e. commitment and high value.) Logging this thousand hours before going on to steps 4-12 is what helps build the healthy Triangle base Laura and I shared about on Sunday at our campus.


Check back for more: Still to come - "How play first begins in one of the oldest mother-child games of all times!"

Building Friendships with a Team of friends

Everything great, that lasts for a long time, has a team behind it. The smallest "whole" number in the Bible is three (God, someone else, and me)! When Adam was created God left a "space," a pause in a perfect creation so all the angels of heaven could hear the words, "It's not a good thing for Adam to be alone." (Genesis 2:18). These words have been supernaturally preserved so we can read them and know that doing life solo isn't the way to live. Self-reliance can be good but often is a result of being hurt, and our own human way of trying to be safe! Inviting others into our life is one of the ways God brings us back into wholeness.


When we play together, we find ourselves returning to the balance of "being together" more than "just doing." Play, says Mark Twain, can be the same activity, but the conditions are different. I think what "playing" really is - our heart condition celebrates being with those God has brought into our lives. Have you ever played a game that wasn't fun? What took the refreshing, recharging, fun out of it? The condition of our heart will determine if you learn to play together - growing deeper in friendship, or just keep struggling and trying to work it out.

Read Ephesians 4 (note verses 4, then 12-16). We are protected from the storms of life by the various strengths of God's body around us. The goal is a "oneness," a "belonging" that make us family throughout eternity.


Conner's story is one of a family that has built a massive team! They are active helping others build a team too. They have learned to play, that is celebrate being together and accepting the friendship and love God has given. Watch their video and visit the links. Then let what God is doing in their lives cheer you on to ALL He has planned for you. This family is a living legacy that "Being together" will always be more important than any "to do" list we may have! Thank you Sarah for sharing your family's story!

Please bring some Legos to church next week so we can fill up Conner's room with them (it's one of his big dreams).

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here are a couple links so you can pray, cheer on, and invest in this family: Sarah's blog and Conner's "Caring Bridge" web site.

How to Super-Size a date (with the Love of your life):

1. Adventure (Great, over-night dates should have the element of adventure added) - Adventure is different for every person. Explore what it "looks like" to that special "man" in your life.

2. Romance (Often there are settings and places that naturally add romance) - Both men and women need this, but guys, listen to what is "romantic" to your wife - try that first!

3. Relational checkup (Learning to build your own "relationship statement," like a monthly "bank statement" will keep you from going bankrupt in your friendship). Laura and I have often done the "List 3 things you're glad I've been doing this last month." We also never get tired of making a list of things the other person "adds" to our life and then sharing them over a fantastic dessert (on the coast).

If you don't know how to find adventure or create a romantic setting, try asking someone who does (seek to build a team of experts in all your relationships).

Bonding 1, 2, 3: Introduction

In 1962 Desmond Morris published a book on how humans bond (This study was of people groups all over the world). It stands, even today, as the definitive stufy of how humans bond. The first three stages of human human bonding, friendship, are so simple and natural; we all do them! It's how we meet and connect. And yet after people are in a relationship for a few years they often neglect these three steps of connecting.

Check back on Tuesday for the the simple ways you can keep adding to your friendships. I'll talk through each of these first 3 stages (also: I'll share the way almost all moms first play with their babies - we'll discuss why it's so important, and how the same core principles can be applied to all our friendships). Please check back on Tuesday!

Just for fun: Check out Bruce's blog - "My new running shoes" saga (with pictures:)